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United States Mock Awards (Fun)
Posted 9 months ago by

It's yearbook time everybody! Get out those smiles because you've reached everybody's favorite part, the mock awards! If you're unfamiliar with mock awards, let me explain; these are silly awards given out at the end of every year among the graduating class. If you still don't get it, you'll figure it out as we go along.

Most likely to become President: Azriel Black
How did I pick this one? Take a guess.
If you still don't know, here's a hint.

Most likely to win an Oscar: Ronald Reagan
Over the course of his time on this server, Ronald has said and done some pretty nutty things. A lot of that got worse when he started backing up DUCHMAN1 (rest his soul). Surely, Ronald can't possibly be this bad in real life. He must be acting, and if he is, he deserves an award.

Most likely to march on Moscow: The Real Gunny
Considering his history on this server of dealing with crazy Slavs and almost-Slavs, this should come as no surprise. Surely by now, Gunny is fed up with all of them. After all, he proposed about 50 revoke laws to thwart their plans. Never mind Russian winters, here comes the wrath of Gunny.

Most likely to go fighting with his land armies in China: glutamine
In case you're unaware, our friend glutamine spent some time abroad....in Asia. At some point no doubt we can expect that he has done some fighting there, and I doubt he's opposed to doing it again.

Most likely to end up in prison: DUCHMAN1
Rest his soul, I'll just remind y'all of one thing to prove this one.

Most likely to end up in a psychiatric institution: paranoidmelon
Get it?

Most likely to die of cirrhosis: Jaeger bombs
I'm sorry but alcoholics don't tend to live long.

Most likely to dress up as Batman for Halloween when he's 40: Joker4235
You either die the villain, or live long enough to see yourself get tired of being a hooligan.

Most likely to become a famous poet: twezday77
By now you're all aware of my eloquence in writing, but for those of you who are, perhaps, less familiar, here is an example:

Most likely to be flying an American flag on his front porch right now: met3
While flying the flag has fallen out of practice among most of society, surely this patriot is sticking to the old ways.

Most likely to be sighted at a Duran Duran concert: reo
Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand...

Most likely to lose to the Boston Red Sox: yankees

Most likely to have friends: Samuel L Jackson
Somehow, not everyone in this game is an internet hermit. Sublime is an exception to the rule. Compared to the rest of us he's almost cool.

Most likely to fall off a cliff: LORD FUZE DA GOD OF MATRYOSHKA
Get it?

Most likely to save the princess before Mario: Lady Mushroom
I mean when Mario eats a mushroom he gets really big...
So what if you are the mushroom?

Most likely to star in the next viral music video: Fox 2A
What does the fox say?

Most likely to be deported: Kazna
You don't belong here, and yet you say more on our Discord than most US citizens. And we all know Portugal is basically Spain which is basically Mexico, so...

Most likely to make you uncomfortable when you're sitting in the same room: Sattos
I mean the guy already admitted to listening to hard rock at a deafening volume so I just feel like you'd be sitting in a room with him waiting for him to say something that reassures you that you're not gonna die so you can exhale.

Thank you for reading, I hope y'all like your awards, and, if you didn't get one, try harder next time!

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Living in America (10 months ago)

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The Fellowship of the USA (7 months ago)

Comments (4)
14-09-2017 4:46:33
(9 months ago)

"Hold my beer n watch this" is more likely going to be the death of me, but man it's going to be an epic story! Lol


14-09-2017 4:38:01
(9 months ago)

Voted even though I don't care for the band, I'm not that old.

13-09-2017 21:21:04
(9 months ago)


13-09-2017 15:52:12
(9 months ago)

Love it all and fully agree on all points!

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